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Review: The Tourist

Review: The Tourist


The Tourist is a film that was made after its time, a time when exotic locations, beautiful stars, and dry wit graced the silver screen. Two out of three ain’t bad, but it just leaves the beauty bland. Even the elegance of Angelina Jolie and boyish-ruggedness of Johnny Depp were not enough to give this film the 40’s treatment it craved.

Elise (played by Jolie’s lips and legs) is a sultry and mysterious woman being followed by the police in attempts to catch her unknown husband, a man who has apparently done bad things like not pay taxes on the money he stole. Frank (played by Captain Jack Sparrow) is a random tourist used by Elise to fool the police, the baddies, and room service into thinking he’s her husband. Chased by Paul Bettany and Timothy Dalton, you’d think that suave, wink induced Ocean’s Eleven action might take place but instead we tread along like Depp’s befuddled boredom.

Wait, boredom? But this has a great cast with much history in this type of ridiculous yet debonair modern noir. The screenplay is by the writer’s of The Usual Suspects, The Way of the Gun, and Gosford Park! I love these films! The cinematography is gorgeous and the cities of Paris and Venice are arguably the top billed stars of this movie! Well, lay down your exclamation points because you’ll just feel even more guilty for not enjoying it. With TRON: Legacy right around the corner and Mr. and Mrs. Smith still an iconic “beautiful people doing ridiculous things” projection, The Tourist just feels out of place and out of pac

While the premise is entertaining, Jack Sparrow’s character just never really seems foreign while traversing the romantic facades of Venice. Being a math teacher from Minnesota, you’d think that he’d be awkwardly… well… touristy. But he appears numb to it all which takes away from the image he’s aiming to create. Trailers are known for being misleading, but the quick wit and flash chases are lost in the monotony.

Might be worth inviting into your DVR when it comes into town to visit a few months from now, but I wouldn’t recommend traveling to the theaters. (Was that forced? That last sentence felt a little forced. Now imagine that for a couple hours.)